Be French: Be You

When I was 15 years old I moved to France until I was 17. I’d been fascinated with French culture and had a real longing to learn the language. Living as an exchange student amongst typically French families I studied French Philosophy & Literature at the local high school. It was a fabulous experience, one I will cherish forever and continue to draw from to this day. During my first month there the first notable difference that struck out to me was their perception of beauty.

By difference I don’t mean they had a contrasting opinion on what is aesthetically pleasing but rather a more encompassing view. Coming from a world of bubblegum pop and Britneyesque low riding hipsters I discovered that superficial perfection was suprisingly not the definition of beauty to the French.

Australians had been and continue to be conditioned according to America’s anxious obsession with glossy flawlessness verging on plastic carbon copies. In fact the common usage within English conversations of the word “beautiful” seems to be restricted soley to physical attributes. As such the message sent out is that it’s the exterior that matters and not the personality. In order to resolve any deep seated psychological issues or personal problems the first instinct in our culture is to hone & tone the exterior.

In France however the focus was not on correcting your imperfections but rather to accept, accept and accept them. Être bien dans sa peau (to be comfortable in one’s skin) was the utmost important lesson pertaining to attractiveness. This was repeatedly drilled into girl’s heads as well as the boy’s that acceptance is ultimately what renders a woman irresistable; a profound message strewn throughout their culture and ongoing even to this day.

I met women and girls who would not be classified as classic beauties according to our strict standards yet were endeared by many and found sexy by more. One girl I knew had an underbite so extreme it distorted her face yet rather then be embarassed and get corrective dental surgery she made peace with what made her different and was envied by all for her infatuated boyfriend. And on the other hand girls who were more genetically blessed were snubbed if deemed uptight.

This may seem strange since the French are reknown for being idolisers of women for centuries and have transferred this admiration into many a poem, artwork or song. But as far as they are concerned it is the substance of their femme that pulls more then the shallow surface. Since “what lies beneath” was such a crucial part of what it means to be beautiful they are experts at sussing out the “real” person. They weigh heavily on their intuition (something we choose to neglect) and often emphasis Je sens meaning I sense or I smell in justification of all manner of situations.

Teeth of Happiness*

Accept, accept, accept.
Frizzy hair? Crooked nose? Bad teeth? Flat chest? Big hips? Too tall? Too short? No need to stress!! And don’t ever try to “fix” these supposed faults. What about wrinkles??? They add character, charm & mystery and yes this is applied to women and not exclusively men as we say. Gap in your teeth? Hey ~ let’s call them dents de bonheur (teeth of happiness or luck) and love them cause they make you special!

Dents de bonheur a la Madonna or Vanessa Paradis; French singer and Johnny Depp’s femme – now would this famous man have been “caught” (his way of describing when he fell in love) if she was self conscious about her teeth?

Here every woman is celebrated for her own uniqueness. Hangups are not permitted! On the contrary ~ you are encouraged to revel in what makes you you.  A true Frenchman is attracted to the essence of WHO you are and not your appearance. The real personality that shines through determines attractiveness or not pour les Francais.

I am not suggesting that French women are ugly but charming. No ~ many are exalted as ravishing creatures. The difference is that from a young age they are empowered with the knowledge that the best they can offer is to be comfortable in their skin. Generally I found that the average Madame or Mademoiselle were much more confident and content with themselves and life.

In popular culture they may come across as painted well groomed snobbish poodles but contrary to such belief I found they were the most relaxed and down to earth females I’ve ever had the pleasure of meeting. They did not shovel on the makeup and were more at ease with their womanliness. They knew there was no such thing as an ugly woman. Coco Chanel said so herself. They took care of their appearance but did not depend solely on this to validate themselves. As a result were edged in raw beauty.

Certainly as we mature hopefully all do come to a similar conclusion as the French regarding what matters most in the people we love. I’m convinced most smart people eventually realise that a studded jewelery box is disappointing if empty. But in terms of this being reflected through our culture and common thinking is a liberating ideal and one we should take cues from.

That old adage that “beauty is only skin deep” confirms that once upon a time we were more sage and less blinded by the craziness that is today. In a modern world of airbrushed superstars the French are still embracing this old fashioned philosophy. I say take a page out of their book. Être bien dans sa peau!

Be French. Be You.

* Pic from here