I came across this quote today:
“The first half of our lives is ruined by our parents, the second half by our children.”
~ US Defense Lawyer Clarence Darrow (1857-1938)
How does that make you feel? Do you agree in jest or in all seriousness?
And to think this is the circle of life…
Image from here
24 Comments
November 28, 2008 at 2:50 pm
I don’t know about the ruining of it. Parents, they do add a mess of stress to life (especially Asian families), but if you think about it, its just because they want the best for you. With children, you want the best for them, so they add stress to you (haha… see? circle of life!)
And then there is that gap including college and that time span where technically you could go dating as many guys as you want and it wouldn’t matter until you decide to settle down (not saying a lot of people do that ;D)
-Sammie
November 28, 2008 at 4:55 pm
mmm…for most people who start a family, I guess there is that glorious couple fo years after living with mom and parenthood where you can go bananas, but unless your marriage breaks up, or you resist the temptation to ‘get hitched” – I guess Darrow has it nailed! Even when your kids grow up, and even if you’re not still in the marital home, they still present you with a constant worry – but, for some strange, totally illogical reason, the tiniest good thing they do keeps you going for ages. Bizarre, isn’t it? I think the best thing to do in these circumstances is to resort to “fridge-magnet psychology”. here’s one i saw on a fridge once: “you don’t scare me – I have children!”.
November 28, 2008 at 5:19 pm
Ack, what a depressing statement! I totally disagree..
November 28, 2008 at 6:12 pm
I don’t have any children so I can’t judge. But right now I have the feeling that there is the equivalent for childless people:
“The first haf of our lives is ruined by our parents, the second half too:”
Good that my parents don’t understand English…
PS: in fact I love them a lot, and they are lovely people, but sometimes, and this is the case now, they really make me feel awful!
November 28, 2008 at 8:23 pm
Carm, this is a typical comment by a disenchanted person. The fact that they have achieved something politically successful in their era doesn’t account for the lack of appreciation of any birth parents, foster parents or even someone on the street who helped them get a leg up!
Taking responsibility for oneself is foremost. This so-called famous quote is of no use to his generation, let alone yours or mine. Ignore it with confidence.
An ungrateful person doesn’t recognise that life gives to those who ask, like yourself, or gave to me when I was asking. See, life is infinitely rewarding, but is never a fairy godmother, you have to have the idea, the impetus.
I did once, and was rewarded richly. I read ‘Think and Grow Rich’ 30 times in one year, and was subsequently rewarded. It was my way of ‘tapping into the power’. Everyone has their own path, some think and grow rich, some listen to mentors, but most as I can see, remain open to life, listen, read, and talk with people, the secrets are out there, be ready to pick them up. When you are, they will be there…
Parents are a glass viewed half full or half empty. The winner, the successful person, recognises the sacrifices their parents made, no matter how meagre.
The winner also recognises that they never blame their children for the outcome of their lives either.
Winners never blame…
I’m 50, you’re 20 something, let’s both continue to be winners…
November 28, 2008 at 9:49 pm
I blame my fourth grade teacher, she was mean.
November 28, 2008 at 10:28 pm
Thanks for your comments everyone… I was rather curious to see what people’s reactions would be.. and from what perspective of the spectrum… Not being under my parent’s roof means “the 1st half of my life” doesn’t so much apply yet not being a parent puts me in the child box.. so in relation to “the 2nd half” am I turning a Karmic sword? gulp..
Sammie ~ Asian parent’s? LOL I hear you… Expectations are very high on my mother’s side of the family and I’m rather pleased I’m only half sometimes… I’m not held to the same standards! haaaa… However to be fair I’m sure other nationalities have their respective gripes too! I know personally Italians or Greeks can be intense for one.. But Aussies? Ohhhhh… so relaxed!!! I love talking to my family on my Dad’s side.. So take it easy mate!
Kev ~ I thought that was sweet how you said one teeny thing keeps u going for ages… Sounds like something only a parent can understand. Fridge joke is funny too
haaa…
Corrine ~ Well you must be as much of an angel as you appear then! LOL… jk; Fair enough! There are certainly positives of both! I wasn’t meaning to be down… just struck me as an honest statement that Society generally would’nt accept.
Miki ~ I’m sorry to hear about your parents! I’m sure they love you very much.. even if you are all grown up you are still their baby… Especially since I imagine they are French? hehe.. How could they not you are so talented! I can’t believe you speak like 5 languages, are a brilliant painter and an ex mathematician. Wow.
Gig ~ You have surprised me! You always play the Aussie ocker part and then you go and tell the world you are Richard Gere. LOL…. just joking. But honestly if I read a book 30 times in one year I’m sure I could recite it! hehe But I did enjoy your positive pep talk! It was great!
Joanne ~ Mean, mean, mean! Teachers hold the power to inflict good or evil don’t they? Tsk tsk… I hope she only ruined that one year!
November 29, 2008 at 2:54 am
haha it made me laugh. i agree in some ways, i don’t think parents mean to ruin lives. at some points i thought my mum was out to get me. and i don’t know about childeren…but i was a little shit all through my teen years (i can say that now…i’ve been twenty for a month
)
….i can’t wait to have kids
November 29, 2008 at 3:07 am
kimmybeans, your admission would make my parents happy old people. I reckon we are all ‘little shits’ to our parents when we are teenagers. It’s the nature of the game. My sister was appaently worse than I was, yet she was always seemingly the good girl, etc, and me the bad rock’n'roll guitarist. My Mum doesn’t hold her teenage years in fond memory.
Those of you who choose to have kids, we salute you…
November 29, 2008 at 5:40 am
Hmmm…. depends ‘when’ you look at it. Not how…
In retrospect, my parents didn’t ruin my life (but I’m sure I thought that when I was young) and yes, I’m telling everyone who’d care to listen ‘You mad to have kids!’ But then I’m sure I’ll think differently when I’m senile and 70…
November 29, 2008 at 6:32 am
It may surprise you, but I have certainly heard of Clarence Darrow before. Though I haven’t read of your comment, he seems to have been a bit of an outspoken chap in his time. A bit of a curmudgeonly bloke, if you will. From memory he is highly regarded, but from your quote he sounds like a ‘bloody idiot’. Do you remember that ad on Aus TV where the young girl calls her friend a ‘bloody idiot’, in the car with her Mum, and gets chastised…anyway……
Apparently, he got two maniacal murderers off ‘Old Sparky’ and into life imprisonment, which I think is even better, by arguing a smart-arsed argument based on the claim that his clients weren’t completely responsible for their actions, but were the products of the environment they grew up in…give me a break…
So Darrow is the precursor of all our politically correct defences, our PC excuses, our PC namby-pamby society. Thanks Clarence…
Even as recently as yesterday in the Sydney Morning Herald we have a story of a wacko idiot accusing a young teacher of having an affair with him, then breaking it off, which then caused him to end up in jail. The bad bit is that the judge accepted the plea. Give us all a break….enough is enough….
November 29, 2008 at 9:49 am
I disagree with it – the first half of my life was wonderful for me (although I was a very loud, demanding child…so my Mama might disagree! hehe)
I guess it depends on how one looks back at it
November 29, 2008 at 8:13 pm
I was not really serious, Carmen… my parents love and admire me at lot, and it is reciprocal. Just right now they are suffering about a decision I took and everything gets complicated… but I understand them, just it is very difficult for me to cope with it emotionally…
Anyway, I wouldn’t change my parents for anything in the world!
And yes, you are right, I am still their baby, above all because I am the youngest of 3 children (2 older brothers). They still call me
“La petite”
November 30, 2008 at 3:30 am
Darrow had it all wrong, Carmen. Most parents do their very best to be the best parents they know how to be. Remember that parenting is learned “on the job” for most folks. With little if any instruction in how to be parents, they tend to parent as they were parented, except where they swore they wouldn’t repeat their parents mistakes! Regarding children, our daughter has entertained us from conception and we admire her and are proud of and grateful for her as our adult friend today. The challenge for each of us is to be an individual responsible for our own actions whether we are the parent or the adult child and to let others be responsible for themselves.
November 30, 2008 at 7:19 am
it’s funny, but not all too true.
i admit, i don’t agree with my parents too much about things, but they don’t stop me from enjoying myself.
but perhaps i’m privileged and don’t speak for the masses? usually (even as a little child) i’d go around the rules or simply break them to get what i wanted…
and as for children, well, they are a blessing! why would my life be ruined by such a beautiful, loving creature? you get back all you give.
November 30, 2008 at 9:29 am
By that logic, everyone’s lives are ruined.
2 thumbs down for the bitter old geezer.
November 30, 2008 at 12:26 pm
I have been overwhelmed with your responses! Okay so Darrow is a negative bitter man… if not I think kinda humourous.
Kimmybeans ~ Nicely said.
Werther ~Sure does have something to do with ‘when’ u look at it. You’re right.
Gigdiary ~He started PC? hehe…
Cheray Natalie ~ LOL
Miki ~ Sorry… Haha… Can’t always tell the tone of ‘voice’ here “La Petite”..
Irene Bennett ~ Welcome! And so lovely your tale of the relationship as parents you share with your daughter. Thanks for your comment.
Mermaid ~ Beautiful…
Jude ~ Cynical isn’t he
November 30, 2008 at 12:36 pm
[...] life. The other day, this snapshot presented itself, and it brought to mind a quote on The Pomegranate Blog, where it was postulated [...]
November 30, 2008 at 11:44 pm
I find it surprising that everyone in here seems to take it so seriously. I find it very amusing, and there’s a tint of truth in it, though of course one can’t go into any fatal measures of it, but I don’t think that was supposed to be the point of the statement in the first place
December 1, 2008 at 3:25 am
I chuckled when I read the statement.
But, I can’t say I agree with it.
I don’t have children, so I can’t verify the latter part of the statement. But, I do have a close relationship with my parents, and they haven’t ruined my life. That being said, they do make me want to pull my hair out on occasions.
December 1, 2008 at 8:26 am
Hehe I actually think my parents are pretty cool and if it weren’t for them, I wouldn’t be the weirdo I am today! But I guess in order to appreciate your parents, you need to have awesome ones to begin with and some people don’t have that luxury.
As for the kids – well, my future children better get used to an aging woman who still loves to rock’n'roll all night and party ev-e-ry day!
December 2, 2008 at 6:14 pm
I doubt he was being ALL too serious – and therefore I find it VERY amusing.
December 3, 2008 at 10:12 pm
Thanks for those last few comments girls!!
December 6, 2008 at 11:09 am
she sounds bitter as hell